A work colleague of my wife became alarmed to learn that I selected the new bedding and towels for our  apartment. His instant reaction being -'Apart from the sex, obviously, are you sure he's not gay?'

Strangely, it is not the first time that 'doubt' has crept into people's vision of me. I have, on more than one occasion been looked at sideways because of my less-than-manly traits. Some judge me metrosexual but frankly that feels soooooooo last decade.

  One of my closest friends in the world went through a rather baffling phase where he lamented not being gay because, and you can't make this up, they get all the good bread!

Now, you might not have met my mate; but seeming as this is posted on his website, I will labor under the assumption that you have met Cameron D. Bragg. That assumption means that you will be aware that he is known for his broad and seemingly random statements. It is only after some thought on your behalf, that you make some sense of it.

 Is it a metaphor? Maybe, if you want it to be. Is it just literal? Well it became a staple of his conversations for a while, after my father's exhibition at a gallery run by a very suave gay man who shopped for freshly made dips and just baked Turkish loaves to serve at the opening... so yes.

The problem is the conversational topic became divorced of that context; and shorn of it, the assertion became an insiders reference.

I only bring the bread up at all because it leads to the crux.

You see, more often that not, Cameron and my good self are mistaken for a couple when we are out on the town.

Mr.Bragg has always been a teetotaler, which means that when we catch up we go on caffeine benders. This is not a practical as is used to be now, but back in the day, we would catch up on a day-off for breakfast, read the paper together and consume, at minimum three coffees. Then we unleashed ourselves on the unsuspecting world. Shopping for satchels, or mobile devices. Stationary, laptops or gentlemen's attire. 

Cameron has always been partial, to what can best be described as old man shops, that sell said gentlemen's attire. They are a dying institution sadly. Found only in older suburbs like Ivanhoe, Glenferrie and Camberwell they exist in street shopping precincts and sell high end suits and shirts, quality dress shoes and haberdashery.The man behind the counter always knows you and brings forward items that suit your taste. They will be discrete and conservative but of good quality and the best off-the -rack you can buy. (It is only recently that I have discovered, and actually Cameron doesn't even know this, that my wife's Uncle Joe used to out fit him at the Forest Hill Man-to-Man years ago- Before his tastes matured away from mens fashion franchises.)

Now, from what I have just described can you you gather why we were confused with a  couple?

Sharing the paper over breakfast. Deciding which satchel is more practical for work. Advising each other on shirts- Only baby blue shirts for Cameron thank you very much! 

The impression this creates does seem to suggest the intimacy of a relationship.

That's because it is.

Too often men shy away from the very thought that they have mates they have known so long, that what you know about each other is so all encompassing that  it carries the hallmarks of a relationship.

Not that there's anything wrong with that. ( You have to excuse me, I am a Gen-Xer and I WILL reference Seinfeld or The Simpsons in any context because everything in life is relatable to them.)

Men form relationships.

There, I said it. It's alright to admit it, really. It doesn't make you 'gay' with your mate. Honestly....Cameron and I have kissed and frankly it did no one any good, least of all those watching on.

What surprises me; and is indeed the very reason for writing this, is the reaction men have to the thought of loving one another. It still startles me to learn that someone I know is homophobic.

When it arrives, I am simply not ready to react and find myself just dumbstruck. I simply have to stand there and listen to the tirade about 'the gays,' for this is what homophobes think is their formal title.

I always find that quaint- The Gays, it sounds like the name of a political party-'I voted for the gays in the senate.'  Better yet, actually, what an awesome name for a band- ' Ladies and gentlemen please put you hands together for- THE GAYS!'

 Let's get serious though.

The Gays are a dangerous cult. They have insidiously undermined the very fabric of our society with their.... gay-ness.

I think this is correct, it is always so hard for me to be clear on this. The tirades I hear are normally filled with vitriol but lacking in any real substance. These attacks are much more prevalent of late, of course,  because of one divisive topic - Gay Marriage.

Yes that's right, not marriage, it must be prefaced with 'gay.'

 You see, the argument is that the gays want to ruin the sanctity of the venerable institution of matrimony.

How very dare 'they?' What cheek, to think that commitment through love for another human being should be a natural state of being? How dare 'they' want the rights and entitlements of everyone else in a democratically governed society?

What next I ask you, what next?

Well, to be honest, I suspect, 'the gays' might want to be treated as human beings..... surprisingly.

Anyway, back to the point- Men form strong relationships with other men. Intimate and enduring relationships that foster a strong level of care and consideration but it is difficult for us to articulate this. The spectre of homosexuality weighs heavily on the psyche of men. The fear that, maybe they might care for another man seems to elicit terror- what have I become? Am I secretly one of 'the gays?'

It is the very textbook definition of a phobia. A completely irrational fear that one day you might walk hand-in-hand down the street with your best friend and not know why you're doing it.

Actually, I might have walked down the street hand-in- hand with Cameron. I don't remember doing it but it feels like something we might have done....

Cameron did once articulate the 'problem' both of us have perfectly by the way.

You see we aren't manly men, we are far to 'prissy,' for that.  

So true. 

I like to dress well, have an obsession with clothes shopping and read men's fashion magazines.

I even took it upon myself, in my last job to begin to wear a shirt and tie to work everyday. I had always planned to work in an environment where suit and tie were de rigor but the slacking of work attire conventions saw me hopelessly adrift of the dream.....so I just did it anyway.

 It felt weird at first, granted. Then as I got into the swing, fantastic.

I became completely at home in the shirt and tie and you know what? It made sense.

I felt the matching of shirt and tie fabrics and patterns created a image. I got to express myself and project that to the world.

Men are increasingly a generic lot. Jeans and T-shirts, pair of funky trainers if you must.

Bit boring really, liven it up.

In fact- Suit up!

I love that Barney Stinson from 'How I Met Your Mother' is the embodiment of the alpha bachelor.

I love it because it proves my point exactly.

He demands his friends 'suit up' and look cool to impress women, yet he is played by Neil Patrick Harris, an openly gay man in a long term relationship. What difference does his sexuality make to his persona?

He's an actor and he can play 'straight!'  Wow, what a thespian....

Or perhaps he's a man and that is what he is portraying?

What would you feel about his relationship with his best friend Ted if he was playing Barney as a gay man?

Why would that change anything?

The truth is is wouldn't; but for some,  it would make them 'gay.'  Men really do have a problem with intimacy and it is time we dealt with it. We simply need to accept that love is plutonic as well and lustful.

Are you sure he's not gay? Thank you. I take that as a compliment.