Well it was a little over two years ago that my grandmother died, precipitating our move from Melbourne to northern NSW.  She would have been 95 this year.

Some years before her death, she had written some "Very Definite Instructions" to be followed when she died.  Truthfully, I'll never know if she really wanted us to follow through with them - though I suspect she probably did.  Regardless, we made our best efforts to meet her "demands" and I think she would have been happy (excluding our inability to source a cardboard coffin in time) with the result.

Thought I'd share with you her instructions - perhaps you might take them on yourself...?

Very Definite Instructions to be followed after my death - no alterations - or I'll come back and haunt the person who does so.  I'll stand at the foot of the bed and point my finger at the wrongdoer and give a basilisk stare and utter horrific groans, banishing sleep.

I want a cardboard coffin, no funeral and to be cremated two days after my death.  I wish to be conveyed privately to Springvale Crematorium and there to be disposed of.  They could cast my ashes over their rose garden with my thanks.

There is to be no mourning.  Remember I am old and have led a long and productive life, coping with many vicissitudes, and wouldn't come back for all the tea in China, much as I love tea.

With my blessings you may gather together and talk about all the good times we have shared, and I hope you'll get lots of laughter at the mad parts, of which there are many.

So that's it!  No regrets, no tears!  It is not sad to lose an old relic such as me and I go joyfully to my rest and don't feel any sadness at leaving this very unhappy world.  I could say I'll miss you all, but of course that's nonsense.  I'll be gone - out of it - such peace!!

Love to you all, my dears.

Goodbye!

Not bad, huh?  I only hope I'm as with it when I'm in my eighties as she was.